Crissy and Brian Bontrager: Love your enemies

In our daily devotions we have been reading through the book of Luke. My seven year old son Michael has been intrigued by the lessons Jesus taught and he always looks forward to finding out what the next lesson is. However, when we came to Luke 6, he had a hard time understanding why we should love our enemies.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.  ”If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:27-36

We read these verses and discussed what Jesus was telling us to do; Michael could not understand why we should be nice to someone who has been mean to us. Tried as I might’ I could not explain well enough for him to understand. We ended the devotion with a prayer asking God to help us learn to love those who are mean. I felt like I had failed as a mom to teach the lesson of these verses to my son.

I continued to pray that God would reveal the meaning of these words to Michael. This morning on our way to school God did just that. Michael shared with me about a friend (we will call him Joe) in his class who has been lying (ie. My dad owns a race car, my grandma has a million dollars—the typical exaggerated lies children tell).  Michael shared that he gets angry when Joe lies to him, and that some of the other boys will not play with Joe anymore. He also shared that he felt bad that no one wanted to be Joe’s friend. I reminded Michael of the verses in Luke 6 and asked him if he thought God might be telling him to love Joe in spite of his lying.

As I watched Michael think this over I could see the understanding show on his face. Finally, he said with a big smile, “I can love him by being his friend even though I don’t like his lying!” He got it! We continued to talk about how we can pray for Joe and show Jesus’ love to him by being his friend. We said a quick prayer for Joe as we pulled up to the school, and Michael was ready to be Joe’s friend and pray for him all day long.

Even though Michael did not understand the meaning of these verses right away, I had not failed to relay the lesson. God gave Michael a greater understanding through this situation with his friend Joe and made the lesson real. I realized that the simple act of reading these verses with my children plants the lessons in their hearts even if I do not see the fruit right away; God is faithful and His word does not return void. (Isaiah 55:11)

Importance of boundaries: Daryl and Leslie Mayfield

Daryl and Leslie Mayfield were one of the first people from Dublin I met. Their friendship and guidance has blessed Tim and I over the last three years. They are authentic, teachable servants living at the crossroads of Jesus and real life. Daryl sent me this teaching by Michael Brooks from South Shores Church. It is a great follow-up to the Godly Obedience class we had on January 10th.

When my grandson Conner was young, he came to stay with us for several days while his parents were on vacation. My wife told me that bedtime was going to be a little challenging because Conner did not have a schedule — he was allowed to stay up as long as he wanted and was put to bed only after he fell asleep. Obviously, that wasn’t going to work for us.

On the first evening when 8:30 pm rolled around, we got Amanda (our youngest daughter) and Conner ready for bed — pajamas on and teeth brushed. Then I read them a story. “Okay, lights out, sleep well, see you in the morning,” I said as I kissed each one good night. Conner said: “But Grandpa I’m not ready to go to sleep.” I said: “Remember what I told you? The rules at Grandma and Grandpa’s house are a little different than Mommy and Daddy’s. At our house kids go to bed at 8:30. See you in the morning.” Conner obediently nodded: “Okay Grandpa.”

By the time my son and daughter-in-law picked up Conner after their trip, they were shocked to see he was not only going to bed at 8:30, but also eating what we ate at mealtime. My son asked: “How did you get him to do it?” My answer: “I just told him what the rules were — we all eat what Grandma makes (this isn’t a restaurant), and bedtime is at 8:30. It wasn’t very difficult because he’s a really great kid. You guys have done a wonderful job with him — just make sure he knows his boundaries and parenting will be a lot more enjoyable.”

Let me ask you this question in the context of our passage today: Did Conner know he was breaking a rule at his own house if he didn’t go to bed at 8:30, or  if he ate only peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly)? Of course not; where there is no law, there can be no trespass. Conner didn’t know there were rules, so he couldn’t be held accountable for breaking any. He thought bedtime was when he felt tired and he should eat only what tasted good.

In our passage today, Paul explains this same concept applied to man before the Law was given:  ”…sin is not taken into account when there is no law.” In other words, you can’t be punished for breaking a rule that doesn’t exist.

Parenting Tip: Play a game that is familiar to your child but drop all the rules. The player can do whatever he or she wants, whenever they want and for whatever reason. Discuss how the lack of rules equals chaos and that the rules are designed to make the game more fun for everyone. It is the same when playing the game of life. God designed us, knows what is best for us, and gives us a rulebook – the Bible. It is in our best interest to obey and live by His plan. (Durbin Parenting with Scripture p. 155)

Titus 2 living

There is a certain young woman who is somewhat of a celebrity to many girls at Vista. They rush to see her, give hugs and say hi. Her reaction to them always reminds me of what Jesus would have looked like greeting the little children. She takes time to notice them and shows them they are loved. She lives her life following the Titus 2 principle: look for someone to mentor you then turn around to invest in someone younger.

Recently this young woman hosted a sleepover for some of the girls who adore her. The purpose was two-fold; she desired the girls to have fun, but there was more to it than that.

Her first objective was to turn their adoration of her into adoration for Jesus. When they looked at her, she wanted to point them to Him by inviting them into her life; this meant sharing her home, her time and her story. She took the time to listen to them, play games with them and study God’s word with them.

Secondly, she wanted to model to another young woman and three high school girls how to invest in the lives of others. She built into their lives and wanted to encourage them to turn around looking for younger girls to influence. Afterward, they were amazed at how their time, gifts and talents had so much impact. “Sisters in Christ” was the phrase being celebrated.

This was not a Vista event. It was not something I planned or initiated as the Kids Community Director. This young woman prayed about her influence and how she could turn it for Jesus with Vista girls. Lives and perspectives were changed by young women and girls living out Titus 2. I am hoping this example sparks more of us to pray and consider who is building into us and who we are building into. Wouldn’t it be great if more of these building moments took place in our homes, our church, our schools and neighborhoods?

Parenting Tip: We have asked two families in the church who did not have children to be “special friends” with our different children. They spend time together a few times a year. The idea is to put safe Christian adults in their lives that show Christ to them in a way we cannot as parents. Erin Bradshaw is Elisabeth’s special friend. Because of Erin’s building into Elisabeth’s life, Elisabeth now considers Erin’s daughter Kaitlyn to be her special friend. That’s the Titus 2 principle.

A witness: The Hooper family

Ali and Matt Hooper are the definition of servants for Jesus. I am always astounded with where God is leading in their lives and how they humbly try to follow every step of the way. They are not perfect, but to me they are the perfect reflection of the grace and power of Jesus Christ; I am blessed to share them with you as guest bloggers.

One of our holiday traditions includes sending Christmas cards to friends and family. Recently I ran into a friend who had received this year’s card. She thanked me for the card, and then said, “I smiled reading your note; you sound so happy.”

I thanked her and then rambled on, “I have my moments, but the kids help me appreciate the simple pleasures in life.” She then added, “Reading your note, I thought, she’s so happy and I’m so not. I wonder what her secret is.” I gave her an awkward smile, and then I bombed. This friend, a fellow parent and someone who is not saved, had given me the perfect opportunity to share the Gospel with her.

In my head, I silently shared, Jesus! Jesus is my secret. But I bombed. I don’t remember what exactly I said to her, but it wasn’t the Gospel. Shame on me.

Later that I day I was beating myself up, disappointed that I didn’t share Jesus with her, and that I didn’t trust I Corinthians 2:4 “my message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.” Why did I not rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to share the Gospel?

But God is merciful. And He was quick to remind me of the details of that card and note. In the note, I spoke of how God has blessed my family. I wished blessings upon her family, and I even included a personal invitation to our church’s Christmas program. No, I did not share the Gospel that day, but I shared my life with her. With a kind note and a gracious attitude, I lived to show Jesus in my heart. Only God knows my friend’s fate. I have been praying like crazy for her and her family. After all, her words, though few, said so much: she is so happy, and I am so not.

I pray that next time when I am given the opportunity to share Jesus, I trust the Holy Spirit, remembering that it is His power that delivers the message. Until then, I will continue to rely on God to help me through the daily battles of parenting, and to allow me to find happiness in simple earthly pleasures. I also pray that I live in such a way that other parents can see my secret . . . Jesus.

Gospel Tip: Write out a one page personal mission statement for 2010. Not so much a list of resolutions but a testimony to where God has brought you and how you plan to follow Him in 2010. It will make it easier to verbalize when you are in the situation described above.

Money Matters for Kids : Scott Travis and Tim Eisel

The Toys R Us Big Book came to our door a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving; my children could not wait to circle everything they wanted in that catalog. We often talk to our them about likes, wants and needs. We do not allow them to say “I want that”, but encourage them to say “I like that.” We have had long conversations about the differences between needs and likes; these are just the first easy steps to intentionally discussing money issues with children.

This past Sunday, Tim Eisel and Scott Travis taught the parent equipping class for parents of 11-year-olds. They shared the Biblical perspective on money and some practical tips to help parents discuss money in their home. Did you know that 2,350 verses in the Bible talk about money? Clearly it is important to God how we talk to and teach our children about money.

It becomes a matter of simply being aware of how we talk and process thoughts about money: Is it ours or Gods? Do we have good limits and habits when spending, saving or giving money? Do we see our finances as a way to honor God and do His will on this earth?  Do we bow our needs and wants to His will for us? Are we willing to process these questions out loud in front of our children? If we do not, how will we ever expect them to believe they can trust Him with everything, including money?

Parenting Tip:

Younger children: Use the word choice to talk about money. Children are more apt to see money as a responsibility and a choice if we use those words. “We are choosing not to buy toys today, we are choosing to put our change in the red kettle for the Salvation Army because they help people; we choose not to pay for renting a movie when we have movies at home” etc. This is more helpful for them than “I’m not buying that” or “you can’t have that.”

Older children: Set up three jars labeled giving, saving and spending; kids like to see their progress in each area. Have them first put a portion away in giving and allow them to decide how to give to church and to God’s kingdom around the world. Talk about the blessings we get from giving, saving and spending according to the Bible.

Parenting Resource: Money Matters for Kids by Larry Burkett and K. Christie Bowler

Learn to leave the lesser things undone: The Parizek Family

Bill and Donita Parizek are longtime members of Vista. They have four children ranging from 19 years old to 8 years old. I continue to be blessed by their willingness to share what God is doing in their lives.  Donita told me that wisdom-filled devotionals from the Girlfriends in God website have been an encouragement during her parenting years. She desired to share one of her favorites from that website by Mary Southerland and hoped we find it as much of a blessing on our personal journeys.

Priorities by Mary Southerland of Girlfriends for God

Learn to leave the “lesser” things undone. This lesson is especially hard for me because I actually believe I can do it all. The key to Godly discipline and right priorities is learning what my “all” is and doing all of that; my trusty “Superwoman” cape is never far away.  Admittedly, it is a constant battle for me to ignore the presence of that cape, choosing to embrace and employ God’s priorities – not mine.  But it is definitely a battle worth fighting.  Families, marriages and souls are on the line.

A right perspective is the direct result of Godly discipline. In order to have right priorities, we must have right perspectives. Godly discipline brings a holy scrutiny to priorities and perspective: Does it really matter? Is it eternal? Will it impact lives for God?

Parenting and renewing our minds: The Pride Family

Jamiya and Amanda Pride are part of the original church plant team for Vista. They have two girls in Kids Community: Jillian and  Jada. Their hearts for prayer, authentic worship and multi-ethnic relationships continue to challenge me to daily follow the example of Jesus.

Over the last few years, my husband and I have experienced the Lord transforming us by His word. Around the 7th year of marriage, we hit an all-time low, and neither of us could see how we were going to recover from such a dark place. Through a lot of hard work, prayer and encouragement of others, we slowly started walking out of the darkness. One thing we both began to do was turn to God and take Him at His word, despite how we were feeling and thinking.

As we began to replace our fears, anxieties, frustrations, lies etc. with the word of God, we began seeing our lives and marriage transform. We watched hope, peace, comfort, confidence, power and victory rise up in our hearts; we continue to press on. As a wife and mother, I’m thankful that we have the word of God to lean on to shape our family. I truly don’t know where we would be without the hope God brings through His Spirit and written word.

Lately, we have been praying Psalm 91 as a family as we combat the fears all around us. I encourage you to place your family’s name in this Psalm and begin praying/speaking this truth over your family daily. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!

Psalm 91:

_________ who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. _______will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely He will save _____ from the snare and from pestilence. He will cover _____ with His feathers, and under His wings will _____ find refuge; His faithfulness will be _____ shield and rampart. _____ will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 1000 may fall by _____ side, 10,000 at ______ right hand, but it will not come near _______…If ____ makes the Most High their dwelling – even the Lord, who is _____ refuge then no harm will befall ______, no disaster will come near. For He will command His angels concerning ______ to guard in all ways; they will lift _____ up in their hands, so that _____ will not strike a foot against a stone…”Because ____ love me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue _____; I will protect _____ for the acknowledgment of my name. _____ will call upon me, and I will answer _____; I will be with ______ in trouble, I will deliver _____ with honor. With long life will I satisfy ______ and show _____my salvation.

Where`s the owner`s manual: The Bontrager Family

Crissy and Brian Bontrager are members of Vista Community Church. Crissy is a frequent guest blogger for Kids Community Parents with years of parenting wisdom and a passion for helping families navigate how to follow Jesus Christ together. You can read more about their family at crissybontrager.blogspot.com.

I remember being so excited as the day of my first son’s arrival came. The anticipation of having a little bundle to love and care for was almost overwhelming. However, I know now, that I was not completely prepared for all that motherhood entailed.

Within the first week of being home with my new baby, I quickly felt like I had no idea what I was doing.  During the late night feedings, a million diaper changes, and sleep deprivation I found myself wondering why the hospital neglected to give me the owner’s manual for this child. This is a question that I still find myself asking at times. (My boys are now 10 and 7.) Every time I think I have my boys figured out and I am getting this parenting thing down…we enter a new stage.

I have spent a lot of time reading parenting books in order to understand the job that I hold as a parent. I still have not found any book that offers a complete overview. However, in my search I have come to the realization that God has given me all the insight I need through His word. Although, the Bible does not tell me what to do if my little one throws a fit in the grocery store, or how many minutes a time out should be, the bible does give me Godly wisdom, encouragement, and the peace I need in those situations. I have learned to lean on this verse from James 1:5 (NIV)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,

who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I have prayed more times than I can remember (Honestly, this is a daily prayer for me) for God to give me wisdom regarding parenting. I will continue to read parenting books, and gain insight from others more experienced than myself. However, I know that I will not find the wisdom I need in any manual…I will find it in God’s word!

Javelin Prayers

I have had the privilege of praying for my children and their school with  some friends I met while in a “Moms In Touch” group. Moms In Touch is an international organization started by Fern Nichols encouraging and empowering moms to pray together for their children and their schools. I learned the value of  javelin prayers through MIT.

Here is something my Mom, a prayer warrior, sent me when Justin started school. I believe it came from one of MIT’s early publications but do not have a source or author of it. It exemplifies the concept of javelin prayers.

As you pack your child’s lunch bag, PRAY!

Pray he/she will hunger for God’s word daily.

As your child climbs the huge steps in the bus or drives away and you wave goodbye, PRAY!

Ask God to keep him/her on the path of righteousness always.

As the day goes on and you wonder what she’s/he’s doing, PRAY!

Ask your heavenly Father to protect her/him.

As you look over the papers your child brings home, PRAY!

Pray that his/her mind will grow in the knowledge of the Lord.

As you empty the backpack and find scraps of paper, bits of crumbs, broken pencils, PRAY!

Pray that God will take any broken pieces from the day and bring healing and wholeness.

Much like an athlete hurling a javelin skyward, I strive to launch little prayers imploring God to nurture my children all day long. The old hymn What a Friend We Have in Jesus states “what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer”. Your family can join with other local moms bombarding the gates of heaven with prayer for children and schools in Ohio. On November 17th Liberty Presbyterian Church is hosting a prayer and fasting event from 9 am-1 pm called Arise and Cry Out for all Ohio moms to come together and pray for all the children and schools.

Family Prayer Craft: Cut out colorful paper in shapes of leaves. On each leaf, have your family write out names of friends and teachers at school or specific prayer requests collected from people at their school. Tape or glue the leaves to a stick with branches, or place the leaves on a window in your house. As the leaves fall outside, take down one leaf each day to pray over as a family. Even children as young as one year old can help your prayer leaves “fall” so you can “send” them up to God.

Breaching the Dam

I wore my iPod headphones in the car tonight. I know – not a good practice. I had simply had enough of the torrent of discord flooding my car as we headed down I-270. The rain outside seemed to fuel the dissension inside. I took a moment to pray and then took off my headphones pronouncing “All of you are breaching the dam!”

Have you ever seen a dam that is becoming or has become breached? It is a fearfully awesome sight. There are great pictures of the Teton Dam breach taken by Eunice Olson at www.geol.ucsb.edu/faculty/sylvester/Teton_Dam/Teton Dam.html.  A small trickle turned into a deluge on June 5th, 1979 and unleashed disaster on many towns; the Teton reservoir took only four hours to spill through that little leak.

I showed these pictures to my kids to give them a visual of the picture painted in Proverbs 17:14. Little verbal leaks for the sake of argument can rapidly turn into spirit-killing confrontations.  Here is an example of a conversation that is breaching the dam:

• “you’re so smelly and I will vomit if you put that close to me!”
• “I will vomit if you continue to talk to me!”
• “I will vomit all over you and then you will know what smelly is!”
• “I will vomit all over myself and make sure you have to smell it all the way home!”

The creativity of the diatribe  increases with age. Most young kids start with the singsong “this is mine and you can’t  have it” while older kids may entice with “They love me best!” Regardless of how the conversation starts, the purpose  is enmity. It shows a heart of selfishness and hostility designed to cause strife. I did not want to deal with the consternation in the car, but God’s job for me in their lives is to train, even at the end of a tiring rainy day.

Stopping the breach is not simple, especially in the car where the purpose is to keep the vehicle on the road despite the surly children in close proximity to one another. We have discussed and trained for dam breaches. My kids know the heart consequences of breaching the dam and are aware that verbal violence can quickly lead to emotional and even physical damage. They know that Solomon knew what Thumper from the movie Bambi meant when he said “If you can’t say something nice… don’t say nothing at all.”

Proverbs 17:14 in The Message substitutes “leak” for breach and warns us to stop before the dam “bursts”. We practice how to stop the seepage before the burst and choose to focus on the heart damage when things have calmed down. This is why I had to utter only one phrase to stop the leaks from becoming a full-blown collapse. Conversations about heart changes came when we arrived safely at home. Just like a disaster crew cleans up after the flood waters recede, we cleaned up the emotional and spiritual wreckage of our dam breach. We then prayed for mouths, hands and hearts of loving-kindness.

Training Tip: Make your own dam after viewing the photos of the Teton Dam collapse. Read Proverbs 17:14 together. This is a great family project for the sandbox, the beach or the bathtub.

Resource We Like: Peacemaker ministries has many practical ideas for peacemaking strategies for families.