During my daily driving I had been praying for her, most specifically been praying that she would feel confident that evening amongst a new group of peers. Let’s face it being a teenager is just one of those times when most of us are still figuring out who we are and where we are headed. A couple of verses kept knocking around in my head during my prayers,

‘Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—’  John 1:12

‘The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.  Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.’ Romans 8:16-17

I knew what I needed to say to her and really, when I wasn’t face to face with her  – my confidence was mighty.  Fast forward to an hour and a half later when we were sitting on my bathroom floor; my daughter, her friend, and I and we were rushing through the make-up process because we were running low on time. My daughter’s nervousness was palpable.

Oh, did I forget to mention there was going to be a new boy who would be at this football game? There was a new boy (of course) and she had been confiding in me about her perceived deficits.  I felt prompted to tell her about the verses, but I was also eyeballing her friend and not wanting to embarrass my daughter. Finally, I had decided that it wouldn’t hurt either of them to hear what I needed to say.

“You are the daughter of a King and this is really, at the end of the day, just a high school boy.”

She looked at me dumbfounded, “What?  I don’t even know what you are saying to me right now?”

I saw the friend looking at me, like I had completely lost my mind.

“God is the King of Kings, Lord of Lords…” I implored in the verbal shorthand only she and I seem to share.

She started to giggle and said, “Oh!  I thought you were saying dad was royalty.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.  “Um, if your Dad were a king I would totally be rocking a tiara right now and someone would be doing BOTH of our make-up.  Seriously, though I just want you to get your identity from the right place here and you are a daughter of the King of Kings.  I just don’t want you to forget that or get wrapped up in the stress of things that don’t matter.”

As I finished her make-up she was quiet and introspective as she was taking in what I had said.  I asked her if it made sense, if it would be helpful to her at all?  She told me that it did make sense and that she felt that it would be a helpful reminder throughout the night.

As a parent I just wanted to be sure that she felt the freedom of what that means.  That she felt and continues to feel the boost in her self-worth that it should give her.  We are not a commodity whose value is determined by how popular the school or the world tells us we are that day.  Our true value lies in the worth of our King.

Verses are a great way to battle self-esteem issues for ourselves and our children. I have used this for myself personally and with my children. Below I have listed some negative statements and some verses we have used to repudiate any negative thinking with regard to their self-worth:

I don’t like myself, I am not attractive, I am not good at anything

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  Psalm 139:14

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…”  Jeremiah 1:5

“He has made everything beautiful in its time…” Ecclesiastes 3:11

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

I can never do this, it is too hard:

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  Isaiah 40:29-31

“…Everything is possible for him who believes.”  Mark 9:23

I don’t fit in, everyone is more popular than I am:

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  Romans 12:2

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.   And the God of peace will be with you.”  Philippians 4:8-9

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  Galatians 1:10

Bible App we like for itouch and ipad: “Bible Shaker is the quickest and easiest way to get Biblical passages and individual verses to help you in all areas of your life. Just choose a category and “shake” a scripture out, then click on the passage to read it. Need more? Shake it again to get another scripture.”

Resource we like:

199 Bible Verses for Teens

Daily Grace for Teens – Cook

Praying the Scriptures for your Teenager – Berndt

LifeCoach your Teens – Cross

One of our holiday traditions includes sending Christmas cards to friends and family. Recently I ran into a friend who had received this year’s card. She thanked me for the card, and then said, “I smiled reading your note; you sound so happy.”

I thanked her and then rambled on, “I have my moments, but the kids help me appreciate the simple pleasures in life.” She then added, “Reading your note, I thought, she’s so happy and I’m so not. I wonder what her secret is.” I gave her an awkward smile, and then I bombed. This friend, a fellow parent and someone who is not saved, had given me the perfect opportunity to share the Gospel with her.

In my head, I silently shared, Jesus! Jesus is my secret. But I bombed. I don’t remember what exactly I said to her, but it wasn’t the Gospel. Shame on me.

Later that I day I was beating myself up, disappointed that I didn’t share Jesus with her, and that I didn’t trust I Corinthians 2:4 “my message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.” Why did I not rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to share the Gospel?

But God is merciful. And He was quick to remind me of the details of that card and note. In the note, I spoke of how God has blessed my family. I wished blessings upon her family, and I even included a personal invitation to our church’s Christmas program. No, I did not share the Gospel that day, but I shared my life with her. With a kind note and a gracious attitude, I lived to show Jesus in my heart. Only God knows my friend’s fate. I have been praying like crazy for her and her family. After all, her words, though few, said so much: she is so happy, and I am so not.

I pray that next time when I am given the opportunity to share Jesus, I trust the Holy Spirit, remembering that it is His power that delivers the message. Until then, I will continue to rely on God to help me through the daily battles of parenting, and to allow me to find happiness in simple earthly pleasures. I also pray that I live in such a way that other parents can see my secret . . . Jesus.

Gospel Tip: Write out a one page personal mission statement for 2010. Not so much a list of resolutions but a testimony to where God has brought you and how you plan to follow Him in 2010. It will make it easier to verbalize when you are in the situation described above.

Priorities by Mary Southerland of Girlfriends for God

Learn to leave the “lesser” things undone. This lesson is especially hard for me because I actually believe I can do it all. The key to Godly discipline and right priorities is learning what my “all” is and doing all of that; my trusty “Superwoman” cape is never far away.  Admittedly, it is a constant battle for me to ignore the presence of that cape, choosing to embrace and employ God’s priorities – not mine.  But it is definitely a battle worth fighting.  Families, marriages and souls are on the line.

A right perspective is the direct result of Godly discipline. In order to have right priorities, we must have right perspectives. Godly discipline brings a holy scrutiny to priorities and perspective: Does it really matter? Is it eternal? Will it impact lives for God?

Evil used events and choices from my past  to try to ruin my chance at purity across the board. Just the thought of doing this study with her started my tears flowing, palms sweating and heart racing. Thoughts rush at me, trying to make me feel like a piece of garbage: “You are such a sham.”  These are the types of lies that I must fight to have this conversation with my precious daughter.

Thankfully God, who forgives all our sin (Colossians 2:13),  loves me as a unique individual and desires the best for me. Because of this, I am choosing to stay in the place where I am precious daughter of the King (1 John 3:1). I am a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). There is victory in bringing things long hidden out of dark into healing light (1 Peter 2:9). God’s desire for me is the abundance of restoration not condemnation or shame  (Isaiah 61)

While I may feel inadequate to talk about this, I can be used by God to encourage my daughter. He is able to speak to and help her as she grows (Ephesians 3:20).  I will discuss purity  of mind, body, soul, and spirit because living in the light brings freedom. It is not a easy thing to humbly admit inadequacy in any area, but I refuse to live in shame. I will not pass that on to my kids nor model condemnation to them; that is not what God desires for me or our home.

I spent most of the time during our first devotion time together choking back tears. I don’t know if she understands why, but she will understand more as we study and grow together. I trust God to reveal to us what we need to discuss when we need to discuss it and will pour out His Spirit to enable us to do so in love.  That’s what the King does for His Princesses.

Resources:

The Princess and The Kiss by Jennie Bishop.  Life Lessons From the Princess and the Kiss by Bishop and Henson.

The Squire and the Scroll by Jennie Bishop. Life Lessons from the Squire and the Scroll by Bishop and Henson