Printable Resources for Family Goal Setting: family_goal_setting_chart, daily-routine-printable, Goal setting worksheets

I have been doing a lot of reading this summer on the Shema. Jewish families pray the Shema twice a day to remind them of their faith. We teach these verses from Deuteronomy 6: 4-9 as a great reminder of biblical priorities and principles in the homes of Vista families; you will see it contained in all of our parent equipping materials.

Here is what Fr. Callistus Isara has to say about the importance of these verses in the Christian home:

“Undoubtedly, there is a great challenge today for parents and guardians to transmit the faith, Christian values and morals, to their children…Oftentimes, parents abdicate their responsibility to transmit the faith and Christian values to their children because they are busy pursuing wealth and other material things… One of the ways parents can transmit religious education and values to their children is to begin by taking an inventory of their own religious and moral values.”

Parents should ask themselves: What are my priorities? What do I value most in life? How is my faith integrated with my way of life? How seriously do I practice my faith?

The answers to the above questions will help parents to work on themselves to grow in the spiritual and moral life, and then transmit them to their children first, by their way of life and then, by instruction. For example, the best way to teach our children the importance of prayer is for them to see us pray regularly. Christ’s disciples watched him pray over a period of time before they asked him to teach them how to pray. Jesus replied to their request by teaching them the “Our Father…” (Luke 11:1-4).  Furthermore, parents and guardians must make their home a conducive place for transmitting the faith to their children through a regular and sustained family prayer pattern, open discussion of moral issues, acquainting their children with the Bible so that they can have love for sacred scripture, teaching children the value of sacrifice and service of others, teaching them in kindness and generosity, teaching them in giving and not only in receiving, and reaching out to the poor and the less privileged in society, etc.

The Jewish people took very seriously the command to teach the shema prayer to their children. Hence they were largely successful in imparting the Jewish faith from generation to generation. In order to sustain the Christian faith in the family, we must courageously strive to practice the faith with utmost commitment and, in turn, hand it on to our children and our children’s children… If adults are not fervent in the practice of their faith, it becomes terribly difficult for them to pass the faith to their children since no one gives what one does not have. Just as the Jewish people took the shema injunction seriously, we must likewise take the practice of our faith seriously. May God give us the grace and the courage to truly practice our faith.”

We use the example of the Shema to refocus our family on goals involving every area of our lives. We talk about spiritual, mental, emotional, social and physical goals for each member and line up our priorities around those goals. This allows us to make sure our family schedule is not skewed to one part of our life but equal in all areas. Hopefully, if done well and if we persevere in our goals, this intentionality allows us all to grow in each area and provides unity within our home.

Websites we like: Families with a purpose, and Simple Kids

Practical Advice from Miriam Caldwell (Member of the LDS church: I agree with her approach but do not advocate for her theology)

The changes that we make do not always need to be big ones, but it is important to continue to make changes for the better. You can talk about some areas that you think the family members should each make individual goals in. Some possible areas include spiritual goals, physical goals, relationship goals, and education goals. If you have small children you may just want to choose two categories with one goal each. As your children grow older you may have them set more goals. You can then record each child’s goals and later print them up to hang in their room as a reminder. To encourage your children in achieving these goals you should discuss the steps that each one needs to take in order to achieve the goal. You may want to create a checklist for the child to mark off as he finishes each step towards his goal. You can post the charts in his bedroom or in the kitchen, so that you can encourage everyone as a family. You may want to set some family goals as well. These could include things such as family home evening or scripture study. You could also set goals to spend more time together exercising as a family or spending an extra night a week or a month together. You can set a goal to eat dinner together a few times a week. The goals can really be tailored to your family’s needs. Once you have determined your family goals (one or two is usually best) then you can create a chart for each step in the goal. You should celebrate as a family each time you reach a milestone.

We spent the 40 days before Resurrection Sunday with verses that give families direction in wisdom. Concluding that that theme, Proverbs 30 reveals the wisdom of four small but mighty creatures. These creatures remind us how we can seek God in our families. The writer of Proverbs 30 includes these creatures as a reminder of how wisdom can sustain and strengthen us: preparation, security, unity, and tenacity.

Preparation: the marvel of the writer lies in the ant colonies collective, and, as it were, organized action. Ants are used as an example of action with forethought and planning.

• Are we setting goals and objectives for how we want to be known as a family?
• As a family, how do “store up” what is good physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially for when we need it?

Security: The writer is using coneys or rock badgers as a example of finding security in a challenging environment. Most commentaries believe him to be speaking of rabbit, mouse or badger type creatures. According to Matthew Henry’s commentary, they are to be commended for the wisdom to make their houses in the rocks where they are well guarded, and their feebleness makes them take shelter in those natural fastnesses and fortifications.

• As a family how do we make our home on the “rock” that is Jesus?
• Do we commit everything regarding our family to prayer and blessing or  build our decisions on our own needs, wants and efforts?
• Do we talk about our weaknesses and God’s strengths in our home?

Unity: Locusts go forth gathered together. According to scientists, locust-swarms perform with apparent order and discipline. Their concentration is on work not status among themselves; they can bring help or destruction to the land. Gill’s commentary on the Bible describes locusts as being “all gathered together as one…their affairs and manner are in a beautiful disposition.” In a family the sense of personal weakness or humility should engage us to keep unity together, that we may strengthen one another.

• Does our family “march together” through this life?
• Are we encouraging one another and building each other up?
• Do we celebrate each unique personality in our family as a gift from God to our life for growth opportunities and perspective?

Tenacity: Many versions disagree on wither the author meant lizards or spiders but the lesson remains the same. Tenacity is necessary for the survival of both. Matthew Henry puts it this way;

“spiders are very ingenious in weaving their webs with a fineness and exactness such as no art can pretend to come near: they take hold with their hands and spin a fine thread out of their own bowels with a great deal of art; they are not only in poor men’s cottages, but in kings’ palaces, notwithstanding all the care that is there taken to destroy them. Providence wonderfully maintains those kinds of creatures–not only which men provide not for, but which every man’s hand is against and seeks the destruction of. Those that will mind their business and take hold of it with their hands, and may go on with it, notwithstanding the difficulties and discouragements they meet with. If one well-spun web be swept away, it is but making another.”

• As a family, do we choose a mindset of perseverance in any life situation?
• Do we believe God will be faithful to our family?
• Do we give up on or discount each other because we have different talents?
• Are all members accepted and encouraged to become who God created them to be?
• Do we keep moving forward together even when the world is not peaceful or kind?

As parents, it is hard to seek wisdom in our own lives let alone teach our children to do the same. Satan desires to paralyze us with guilt over our foolish life decisions. We do not feel we can speak into our children’s lives because of behavior that we exhibited in the past.  Parents who refuse to share  lessons learned from mistakes miss a prime discipleship opportunity with our children. Proverbs empowers Christians to embrace mistakes and learn from them. Use these verses as guidelines on how to speak to your children – 13:14, 16:21, 15:23, 18:20

“Good teaching come from good learning and Proverbs has more to say to students than teachers. Proverbs is concerned with the learning of wisdom. The book makes is clear that there are no good alternatives to learning wisdom. We are either becoming wise learners or refusing to learn and becoming foolish failures. Proverbs encourages us to make the right choice.”(from Life Application Bible)

High School (taken from the Life Application Bible)

Read through these verses and compare Wise Learners and Foolish Failure. Make a chart and then compare it to the following one. Discuss a foolish failure in your life and how you changed or may change to a Wise Learner. Ask your high schooler to pray for you this week to be wise in your home, job and relationships.

Wise Learner vs. Foolish Failure in Proverbs

10:8, 23:12, 25:12 = Quietly accepts instruction and criticism vs. Ignore instruction

12:1 = Love discipline vs. Hate correction

12:15, 21:11, 24:6 = Listen to advice vs. Think they need no advice

13:1 = Accept parents discipline vs. Mock parents

10:17 = Lead others to life vs. Lead others astray

13:18 = Receive honor vs. End in poverty and shame

15:31-32, 29:1 = Profit from constructive rebuke vs. Self-destruct by refusing rebuke

Middle School – taken from  youthspecialties Talk sheets: Psalms and Proverbs

Read the following with Proverbs 18:2. Everyone has an opinion. Some people state their ideas on all kinds of things that they know nothing about. Godly wisdom, however, teaches people to seek understanding, insight and knowledge. It teaches people to listen more than talk. It teaches people to respect others who are speaking or walk away from foolish people who talk inappropriately, too much, in anger, with name calling and those who talk about nothing. How much does your family value words? Do you treasure them or waste them. More verses on your words: Philippians 2:14, Proverbs 27:2, Proverbs 17:5, Titus 2:12, Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 20:3

Discussion Questions:

1. Have you ever heard someone talk about something that they knew little about? What were your thoughts about the person while they were talking?

2. What would you do in this situation? Your friend always has a lot to say about everything. The problem is, he doesn’t really know a lot about most of the subjects or topics. Sometimes you’re embarrassed for him because he makes such a fool of himself. You want to be his friend, but want to help him too.

3. Have you ever had someone interrupt you when you speak? How does it make you feel when you get interrupted? Do you interrupt others often? Why do you do it? Do you care about what they are saying or only what you want to say?

Elementary and Preschool

Hard-boil one egg and let cool. Mark one egg with an “A” and the other with a “B”, or whatever marks you choose, so you can tell them apart. Show that the hard-boiled egg is easy to spin around like a top, but the uncooked egg will not spin as often as you try. You will compare the hard-boiled egg to someone with a hardened heart who will not receive instruction. Just as we can spin the hard-boiled egg, the devil can make someone with a hardened heart do things they know is wrong because they will not listen to teachers, parents or grandparents. They will not listen to God’s instructions in the Bible either.

What you will say:
I have here two eggs. Except for the fact that one is marked “A” and this other one is marked “B”, they look the same. However, they are very different. Let me show you. I need one volunteer. (Give the volunteer the hard-boiled egg.) What I would like you to do is spin this egg around like a top. Can you do that? That was easy, was it not? Now I need another volunteer to spin this other egg. (Give the second volunteer the uncooked egg.) What is wrong, are you having trouble spinning this egg? Some children may know already, in any case let the children experiment with the two eggs for a moment, and then ask to have them back. Explain that the difference between the two eggs is that one is hard inside, while the other is still liquid. We can spin the egg with the hard inside around.

The Bible says, “Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble” (Proverbs 28:14). This hard-boiled egg is like someone with a hardened heart and will not accept correction. Satan can make this person do things they know are wrong. Someone who is obedient to the Lord, and does not let his or her heart become hardened can resist the power of the devil. Like this egg with the soft center that we cannot spin around, a Christian who is obedient to the Word of God, accepts instruction and who follows the Lord cannot be controlled by sin. We must make sure our hearts do not become hard, like a hard-boiled egg.

“Imagine your child is walking across the stage to recieve his or her hig school diploma. After she turns to the crowd and makes eye contact with you. Beyond the smiles and the obvious pride or relief, what qualities do you hope your child embodies? The following is a list of Christ-like qualities and attributes that Paul describes in Romans 12. Love without hypocrisy, abhor evil, cling to the good, be kindly and affectionate to one another, don’t be lazy and let others do all the work, try to carry your own burdens, be enthusiastic, serve the Lord, be joyful, have hope, be patient, pray regularly, concern yourselves with others needs, give to others, be friendly, don’t hold a grudge, bless your enemies, rejoice when others are happy, mourn with those who mourn, don’t plan revenge.”

 I know that it  is impossible for all people to embody this list. I don’t include it to be discouraging on our journey to Resurrection Sunday. I include it to help us realize that being Christ-like is impossible without contemplating the Cross and what Jesus did on it for us. How can can we even study wisdom in Proverbs if we will never measure up. The reason we strive to be Christlike is not to earn God’s favor but to show thankfulness and gratfulness for what He has done. The wisdom of Proverbs are good rules to live by that God included in the Bible because He created us and knows what is best for us. These wise words when followed generally keep us out of harms way in this world, but they are not accheivable on our own power. We need a savior.

High School: Proverbs 11:3 and Romans 12:3 (the following it taken from Kelli Mahoney)

Being honest is not always easy. As Christians we know how easy it is to fall into sin. Therefore, you need to work at being truthful, and it is work. The world does not give us easy situations, and sometimes we need to really work to keep our eyes on God in order to find the answers. Being honest can sometimes hurt, but knowing that you are following what God wants for you will make you more faithful in the end. Honesty is also not just how you speak to others, but also how you speak to yourself. While humility and modesty is a good thing, being too harsh on yourself is not being truthful. Also, thinking too highly of yourself is a sin. Thus, it is important for you to find a balance of knowing your blessings and shortcomings so you can continue to grow.

How honest are you? Most people think they are pretty honest people, but about 83 percent of Christian teens also believe that moral truth depends on a particular situation. Take this short quiz to see if you are as truthful as you think you are:

1. Your best friend asks you if she looks good in her new prom dress. You:

A. Tell her she looks good, even though the dress washes her out.
B. Advise her to get a tan. That will help with the coloring. However, don’t tell her why. It will just hurt her feelings.
C. Tell her to return the awful dress. She can look better, and you’ll help her.

2. A friend tells you he’s been using steroids, and he wants you to promise not to tell anyone. You:

A. Promise, then tell your parents.
B. Promise and don’t tell anyone.
C. Don’t promise. You know he’s in trouble and he really needs help.

3. You get out of the store and realize the cashier gave you an extra $5 in change. You:

A. Go home. Hooray! An extra $5. It’s the cashier’s fault, after all.
B. Slip the $5 back on the counter by the cashier.
C. Give the money back to the cashier so she can put it back into the till.

4. When the teacher left the classroom someone wrote a nasty work on the board. The teacher asks you after class if you know who did it. You:

A. Say you weren’t paying attention. You don’t want people to hate you.
B. Tell her you think it was a certain person, but you just aren’t sure.
C. Sure you tell her. It was really nasty and that person should be held accountable.

5. You overhear some people talking and whispering about a friend of yours. You don’t say anything, but later your friends asks you if people are taking about her. You:

A. Tell her you haven’t heard anything. Why hurt her feelings?
B. Tell her you heard something, but sugar-coat it.
C. Tell her what you heard and help her solve the problem.

Scoring Key: Give yourself the following points for each answer: A=1  B=2   C=3

• 5-7: You are a moral liar, meaning you often lie to protect the feelings of others or protect your standing among friends. While you don’t lie for the sake of lying, you can find ways of telling the truth that will increase your honesty quotient and keep others from feeling crushed.
• 10-12: You usually only lie when it depends on someone’s feelings. While you may think you are protecting the person, it really isn’t. Try to work on being more forthcoming and honest in the way you deal with situations. If you are tactful, you will find that the truth comes out much easier.
• 15-13: You are a truth-monger. Just be sure that you are not being too brutal in your honesty. Otherwise, keep up the good work.

Middle School: Proverbs 11:3  (the following was written with material from Youthspecialties: Proverbs Talksheets)

Is it ever right to lie? Watch this clip about the effects of lying in Camp Rock the Movie.  Is it ok to lie if it does not hurt someone, or to make friends, or to feel special, or to help someone else? These are hard quesitons. Proverbs is very clear that lying is not a good idea for our lives. Lies come back to hurt us. Integrity is a challange and not veryimportant in our cluture sometimes. Will we be true to our word? Will we cheat at sprots, games, or schoolwork? The battle to live a life of integrity never ends. Take some time to talk about the the pros and cons of honesty.

• Why do some people think it is easier to lie? Why is it sometimes more hurtful or harder to tell the truth? Why is dishonesty promoted in culutre sometimes? Why do dishonest people get away with so much?
• More verses on honesty in Proverbs: 10:18, 12:17, 12:19, 12:22, 16:13, 19:5 & 9, 20:17, 21:6, 28:13, 28:18, 28:23

Elementary: Proverbs 12:22

Have your children tear of a small piece of masking tape off the roll and write the word “Lie” on the tape. Have the kids tear a second piece of masking tape off the roll and write the word “Second Lie” on the tape. Instruct them to cover the first piece of tape with the word “Lie” on it with the second piece of tape. Have the children continue in this manner five or six times. As the kids work, ask them to think about a time when they told a lie. Did they have to tell additional lies to cover up the first lie?  Instruct the children to pick up their tape, which is layered in lies, and using the roll of masking tape they should roll tape around and around their small pieces of tape until they get a roll of tape about the size of a baseball. Say “One little lie, may need to be covered by another, then another and another, on and on it goes, until it becomes hard for the liar to remember what is the truth and what is a lie.

The telling of a lie may seem innocent at first, but just as a small snowball rolling down a mountain can turn into an avalanche, lying can become just as uncontrollable and destructive. Once you start lying it becomes hard to stop. As Christians we should take great joy in knowing that we delight the Lord when we tell the truth. Have the children throw their ball of tape into the trash can and vow to tell the truth at all times. Read Proverbs 12:22 together.

Preschool: Proverbs 12:22

• Play a game with your child in which you ask him questions that are clearly true or not true. For example, you say, “I’m a dinosaur” and your child answers, “Not true.” Or say, “I have blue eyes” and your child answers “true.” Start with something fun or silly like the first question and gradually turn to questions that are more reality-based and connected to actions, for example, take a candy off the table and eat it, then say, “I didn’t eat the candy.” Explain to your child that we call such untrue statements “lies.”
• Make one heart pocket for each child. Fold a piece of red construction paper in two, or use two 5 and 1/2 inch squares of fun foam, and use the template to cut out two identical hearts for each pocket. Glue the edges of the hearts together about two thirds of the way up, so that you can still insert slips of paper from the top and not fall out. After the glue dries, use a hole-punch to make holes all around the edges of each heart pocket. Then, with a dark marker, write the words, “WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART?” on the front. Finally, cut strips of string or yarn, about 36 inches in length, one for each child.
• Explain the importance of putting Jesus first in our lives. We need to put Jesus first in the way we speak to others and tell the truth. Have your preschooler draw pictures or trace words that are truth: I am a boy, we have a dog, i like peaches etc. Have your preschooler cut them out to put them in their heart pocket. Write Proverbs 12:22 on the other side of the heart and have your preschooler string the hearts pocket together with the yarn or string.

Parents: What do you treasure? What do you turn your ear to (listening), call out for (speak), cry aloud for (desire), look for (fill your eyes with), search for (make your goals)? Teaching must have a goal.  Modern educational theory sees knowledge (cognitive skills), attitudes (affective skills), and abilities (psychomotor skills) as the goals of teaching. In Proverbs, the goal of teaching is faith, character, and wise living.

Are we talking about these things in our home? Do allow our children to see our wise and unwise decisions or are we afraid to show them our mistakes? How will we model wisdom if we do not show both sides of our decisions? Do we allow our children to feel the effects of unwise choices and attitudes or let them slide by without this necessary step in developing character?

The focus of the world values modern educational theory over the goal of proverbs. Both developmental paths are needed to create whole and healthy families. Use Lent to pray about wisdom pursuing both paths as a family. Commit to concentrating on building wisdom as a family together.

High School: Read Proverbs together and discuss the following questions. Pray aloud with each other. This is very difficult for families to do and makes people very nervous. Start simple by learning to pray Bible verses. Try to divide verses 1-11 up among your family to pray aloud. Have each member read through their verses and inset their own name whenever it says you, your, my son, the upright, those who’s walk is blameless, the just and the faithful ones. Commit to praying those verses out loud as a family three more times during Lent.

Discussion Questions:
1. Verses 1-4 tell us different things we must do. What do verses 1 and 2 say we should do? (accept his word, store up his commands within us, turn our ear to wisdom, apply our heart to understanding)

2. What does verse 3 say we should do? (call out for insight, cry aloud for understanding)

3. Finally, what does verse 4 say we should do? (look for it as for silver, search for it as for hidden treasure.)

4. As the verses progressed, the things we need to do seemed to get more difficult and require us to be more passionate and give more of ourselves. Did you notice that pattern? Do you think it is hard or easy to search for something as for gold? What does that mean to you (Allow the kids time to answer each question, especially the last one.)

5. What will happen when we are able to search for wisdom the way this proverb describes? (Hint: verse 5) (we will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.)

6. Where does wisdom come from? (Wisdom comes from the Lord. Only he can give us wisdom, knowledge and understanding)

Middle School:

(Hold up the stack of computer paper.) Our lives can be compared to this stack of computer paper. (Set the stack down and pick up a single sheet of paper.) Each sheet of paper is like a brand new day. There are many things we can do with it. We could be artistic and create a beautiful picture. We could write a breathtaking adventure story that has readers on the edge of their seats. Or perhaps we could be inventive and create something brand new like the Wright brothers did so many years ago when they invented the airplane. (Take a sheet of paper, fold it into a paper airplane and sail it across the room.) We could also let anger or frustration get the best of us and ruin the day completely. (Crumple a sheet of paper into a ball and toss it into the trash.) Each sheet of paper can be combined into chapters, the chapters into a book, and the book into volumes. God graciously gives us the choice on what we will do with each day. We must include God in our daily activities if we are going to use each day to its full potential. Even bad days can turn out good when we keep God in the picture. We can do this by reading his word. Read Proverbs 2:1-11. Talk about how learning what is in God’s word can help us in everyday life.

Elementary:

Collect several different types of maps online, from the phone book, and travel resources.  Types of maps could include maps of zoos, amusement parks and maybe even a treasure map that is cartoonish in nature. As the kids arrive ask them to find special places on the map. Ask them how they could find their way to a place they have never been before. Talk about the importance of having a good map.

Make a treasure map highlighting various areas in your house or neighborhood. The treasure will be a plate of cookies or another type of treat. Let the kids help read the map. Build anticipation as much as possible by making comments about the treasure you hope to find. Help the kids find the treasure and then thank God for the bounty.

As the kids enjoy the treat, talk about maps and how they help us get to places we have never been before. As the kids finish their snack, excitedly tell them that God’s word the Bible will help us get to a place that we have never been before, heaven! God’s word also helps us follow God’s map for our lives everyday that we are on earth. It is a treasure itself. Read Proverbs 2:1-11 as a family. There are very good translations for kids to be found in the Adventure Bible and the New International Readers Version Bible.

Preschool

You will put a sack of gold coins in an unmarked brown bag and hide it somewhere in your house where it will take the kids a while to find it. Inform the children that you have hidden chocolate gold coins (you can use pennies also) somewhere in the room. Let the children know that if someone finds the gold coins, the treat is to be shared. Allow the kids to look for the sack of gold. If the kids can’t find the chocolate within 5 minutes or if they ask for help, you can give them clues. The longer they look for the gold, the more this lesson will impact them! Once the kids have found the chocolate coins, ask them the following questions before giving them the chocolate.

1. Was it hard to find the chocolate coins?
2. Did you get frustrated when you could not find them?
3. Was it easier when you asked for help and I gave you hints?

The only way to get the wisdom we want is by searching for it like we searched for our hidden chocolate coins! We have to really look for it, and even ask for help in finding that treasure we are looking for! It will be difficult, but the rewards will be well worth it! Read to them Proverbs 2:4-6.

You can make a treasure map that includes one space for each day of Lent. Have kids put coin stickers on each space as the day passes until Good Friday and Easter. You can have them color a Cross and a Tomb for those days. See ideas for Lent activity calenders at this website Crafts for Lent for Kids.

For Parents: Modeling

Our actions speak louder than words. This especially true in the home. Children learn values, morals and priorities by observing how their parents act and react every day. Are you communicating when you fall into the traps of sin. Are you modeling how to ask for and give forgiveness in these situations. What are your traps? How do you steer clear of or run from them?

High School: Recognizing Traps

Sin is enticing because it offers a quick route to prosperity and makes us feel like one of the crowd. But when we go along with others and refuse to listen to the truth, our own desires enslave us and we’ll do anything to satisfy them. We must learn to make choices not on the basis of approval or pleasure, but in light of who were are in Christ. We can’t be friendly with sin and expect our lives to remain unaffected.

Discuss: How does sin trap you? In your school work, in your friendships, in your family, on TV or music, with your body. What can you do to run from these traps? Watch for traps this week and ask God to provide a way out as he has promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Action: Text bible verses to each other as a family to run from temptation and seek what is wise. Bible SMS and daily Bible offer free service for cell phones and email. There are several free or inexpensive apps for smart phones.

Middle School: Gain from traps

Sin is easy to fall into if we desire the wrong things. Research all the types of animal traps there are as a family. Ask each other these questions. What do animal want from these traps? What leads them in and traps them? How can wanting the wrong things or being lazy cause animals to be trapped? Do animals get what they expected from these traps?

Discuss: Can wanting wrong things or being lazy trap us in our work, in our friendships, on TV, on the computer? What can be some hurts we get from wanting wrong things for us? How can we learn to recognize traps in our lives? Watch for traps this week and ask God to provide a way out as he has promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Action: Buy an inexpensive mouse trap – the wood kind with a snap trap. (CAUTION: these can be very dangerous). Practice setting and tripping the trap so the family sees how a mouse would be trapped and hurt or killed. Read Proverbs 1: 10-19 again. How does the visual of the trap explain what these verses say? Keep out your family trap through Lent to remind you help one another run from temptation. Stay tuned for lessons from Proverbs on how to apply scripture to overcome temptation.

Elementary: Could this be a trap?

“Come On, gang! Let’s go get him!” Jordan started running and everyone ran after him. Everyone but Kyle. Kyle had read proverbs 2:6-15, and he knew that “wisdom will save you from the way of wicked men”. Here is what Kyle did and what you can do to help you think before you act. Kyle counted to five by asking himself these questions:

1. Is it right? 2. Is it good? 3. Is it helpful? 4. Would my parents approve? 5. Would God approve?

Action: Have each family member trace their hand on a piece of colored paper. Everyone can write out Proverbs 1: 10 on the top: “If sinner’s entice you, turn your back on them.” Everyone can write one of the questions on each finger of their hand. Display the hands in your house and talk about how you will turn your backs on temptation as a family during Lent.

Preschool: Getting trapped!

Read the story of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. Say: Did Peter obey? Was peter happy or sad that he did not obey. God was sad that Peter did not obey. God wants us to obey. Wise children obey. God wants us to be wise so we can be safe.

Action: Have your children learn this in order to teach them why wise kids obey.

You say: Who is in charge?                                       They say: Mom and Dad.

You say: Why are mom and dad in charge?          They say: God put them in charge.

You say: Why did God put us in charge?               They say: So children grow big and strong

Resources: Peter Rabbit online crafts and ideas, lesson plans, online story, cute you tube video

How do the clothes our children wear become an idol? When we get our identity from it. When we desire that they are known for it and get attention from it. Maybe if we can present a picture of total confidence on the outside, people will think our families have it all together. This false identity can take two forms: fashion and thrift.

Fashion identity desires the newest shoes, clothes and backpacks in order to bring a acceptance and awe from those around us. It is even better when we can scrapbook those outfits or post them all over facebook.  The need to shop “to make themselves feel better ” is an escape. What we choose to spend our money on is observed by those around us and by our kids. We put our money into what we value.

Thrifty identity desires superiority by flaunting used and reused apparel in hopes that people will see how green or disciplined we are. So much time is spent talking about how much we saved or did not spend in hopes that people will think highly of our morals and values.

Neither shopping at the mall nor thrift store is wrong. When our identity comes from these things, we start heading off track of who we are in Christ. We then pass those values or habits on to our children. I have one friend who can fall into the fashion identity trap because her family flaunted “homemade clothes” when she was younger. I myself can easily fall into the self-righteous thrift trap. Intentionally searching our hearts to determine where we get our identity reveals the idols in our lives. Confessing these idols before God allows us to become a new creation in Him. Freedom from identity fear comes from our trust in His love for us. Can we see ourselves as His beloved children and set our hearts to match His vision?

Family Connection: Do you give your old clothes away to someone who needs them? Drop them off at the thrift store together or better yet, look for someone in your circle who would be blessed by them. The value of reuse with in reason is a good value to practice. Have your kids pick out clothes and toys to give to younger friends to make sharing real to them. Take them with you when you donate, recycle or give away and make it a family life lesson. It teaches them we do not always have to get something for what we give.

Personal Connection: Are you willing to help others or take help from others in the form of clothes? What hinders this in your heart? Do you have a selfish attitude or a wasteful attitude toward this idea? Just because we have the money does not mean we need to spend it. Just because we are willing to receive used things does not make us morally superior.

I have been struggling with what to say in this blog about the Biblical tie to intentional physical intimacy in marriage. We don’t want to try to fit a Bible reference here to cover our bases. I don’t want to push ideas into scripture; rather, pull truth from them. The Bible should always be our starting place. What have you learned about sexual intimacy from the Bible? Through all of my marriage, I have prayed Psalm 37:4. My desires are usually wrong because they are impaired by sin. The things my sinful heart desires are not for my over-all benefit without God’s mercy and grace. I am naturally selfish and ungrateful in how or where to spend my time and effort. I have been joined with Tim in this life. God knew we needed each other to fulfill His plan for us on earth. Are we always filled with “desire” for one another emotionally, sexually, mentally and spiritually? No, but we are joined in perfect love through the death of Jesus; therefore, the Holy Spirit gives us new desires through His perfect love. I find it helpful to pray for desire for Tim in all these areas and have found that prayer to be blessed by God.

The hardest part of intimacy for me was having little kids needing my physical touch and a husband who has physical touch as his love language. I didn’t want to be touched by the time the kids were in bed after holding a baby or having kids sit on my lap needing hugs and kisses all day. Tim says the hardest thing for him was quality and quantity of time to be physically and emotionally intimate.

Parenting young kids was physically  exhausting for us. We did not feel great about our bodies a lot of time. We did not get enough sleep. We did not eat well all the time. Sometimes the expectation of perfect timing, perfect bodies, perfect outfit or conversation can destroy the priority of  physical intimacy.

We developed a couple of plans to help us make it a priority. Every couple has different needs, but every couple can intentionally talk about their needs and make their own plans. Here are some things that worked for us. Feel free to share any ideas you may have to add to the effectiveness of this blog.

Dinner in: we would skip afternoon nap for the kids and put them to bed early. We would then have late candlelight dinner at home while they were sleeping to encourage emotional connection and romance.

Thermometer: we kept a printout on our bathroom mirror of a sexual intimacy thermometer with arrows to show each other our sexual mood on a sliding scale. Everything from “don’t want to be touched tonight” to “ready, willing and able” to effectively communicate each others needs and desires.

Sexual intimacy qualifiers: We developed a system of intimacy code words. We use “fast food” or “gourmet” to inform each other of what we are willing to make time for and how to adjust it to each others needs.

Physical intimacy seems like a lot of work when you are covered in spit up, changing diapers, managing tantrums and competing with work schedules. Any intentional conversations and plans help couples prioritize this important part of a healthy marriage. It is important for us as parents to model positive, loving, exciting, appropriate physical love in marriage to our children.

Cindy’s Personal research: I have heard parents of elementary and high school children use date night terminology. They stay in and have each child stay in their rooms for a couple hours. Other friends send their kids out for a couple hours once a week to friends houses in a date night co-op situation. I am collecting other ideas if you know of any.

Cindy’s Book Resources: I found Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow to be life changing. We found people at Vista have recommended His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr. and our own Marla Taviano writes about this in her book Is It all He Thinks About?

Website for Men: Ignite her passion=This has been recommended to KC by some Vista men as a godly approach to sexual intimacy in marriage. As a woman I have not viewed it. Would like to know what some of you guys think.

Website for Couples that Cindy likes: Marriage intimacy=has great links to various sites. I can vouch for the articles that I have read, but I cannot vouch for the whole site archives personally. I have found most of the  information on The Intimate Couple to be theological and practical on how to practice intimacy in marriage. I personally am not a fan of most of what I have read on Christianmarriage.com.

Two years ago, shortly after the birth of my son, we made the decision to sacrifice a second income so that I could be home with our boy. Actually, it was God’s decision. Months after my son was born, I applied for a position with the school where I was a long-term sub, and naturally, I thought I had the job in the bag. As it turns out, I didn’t get the job. Oh-holy-humbling. I felt so defeated. And disappointed. Especially because with two incomes, my husband and I thought that we could afford to start trying for a second child – a decision that we knew came with huge financial responsibility (my first c-section cost over $30,000).

Anyone else notice all that was wrong with our perspective? God sure noticed. My over-confidence in job security. My insistence that a certain level of financial security equated to our ability to carry out OUR plan. Even the lack of confidence in God’s ability to provide for us as we tackled medical bills.

So there we were, living humbly on a single-income, still paying off medical bills from my pregnancy and delivery, and wondering if we’d ever be able to afford more children (yes, we have health insurance, but it didn’t cover all of our bills). Though I very much tried to live in the moment with my then six-month-old son (he was and still is the delight of my life), I couldn’t help but feel discouraged that God’s plan apparently wasn’t my plan. I was praying for a part-time-work-from-home-school-counseling-job (or the impossible) and, in an effort to get back to a more positive mindset, I began taking daily jogs.

One Saturday morning, I grabbed my running shoes and headed out for a quick jog. As I made my return home, I came to a ditch and my foot slipped on the early morning dew still covering the grass. My foot planted in the ditch as my body kept moving forward. I heard three awful pops and landed face-first in the grass. I knew right away that my ankle was broken.

Fast forward several days – I’m rolled into the OR for surgery to mend my very-broken ankle. And guess what? Ankle surgery ain’t much cheaper than a c-section. Now we had medical bills out the wazoo. I was physically unable to even pick-up my crazy-busy six-month-old. And my hopes of jogging my way to sanity were shot. And to top it all off, eight weeks of being confined to the couch and bed resulted in something I wasn’t quite expecting: a pregnancy.

Of course we were thrilled, but deep down, I was frightened. Everything that had once given me security had been taken from me – my physical abilities, financial stability, even my self-worth from a job. And throw in the challenges of a soon-to-be-toddler and pregnancy hormones – Yikes! Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a patient and levelheaded husband!

Fast-forward almost two years. My son is more delightful than ever. My daughter is beautiful and healthy. And I’m jogging again (I even completed a half-marathon in May). And remember that flippant and impossible prayer I delivered in the midst of my defeat and disappointment – a prayer for a part-time-work-from-home-school-counseling-job? Well I forgot about it. But guess who didn’t? The one-and-only, always-faithful, nothing-is-impossible-for-Him, crazy-awesome God.

Two months ago I accepted the impossible: a part-time-work-from-home-school-counseling-job. I am so not kidding. It is as if God was saying, “I never forgot about you, but I needed the timing to be perfect. Your timing, Ali, was not my timing. Your securities are not my securities.” I am so blown away by His faithfulness. And in case you were wondering, we paid off all of our medical bills. Thousands and thousands of dollars worth of bills. All before I accepted the job. All on one income. Because with God, ALL things ARE possible.

Scriptures for meditation:

Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.”

Romans 12:2, “God’s will is good, pleasing, and perfect.”

Acts 1:7, “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

We often talk about ourselves as a team: The Eisel team. We have trained our kids to know they are responsible for their behavior and participation on our team. We have practiced good team behaviors including personal responsibility, kindness, selflessness and encouragement. We intentionally  take time to remind each other what we value about each other. We have family goals, a family verse and family rules to define our life together.

I saw this training pay off during those two weeks. My children served me with compassion. They prayed over my health. They rallied together to tackle chores and household job they had never performed before. All of it was done without selfish ambition or complaining on their part. They did not ask for reward for this team work and delighted in their accomplishments together. They bore the disruption of their routine, their desires and their needs with grace. They were even praised by several people for their polite and loving attitudes along the way.

Is this a regular occurrence in our house? Not really. We have our good and bad days as any other family. We certainly felt the prayers of others for our sanity and healing during that time. Our home received a special measure of grace from God to persevere during this small test. It proves that we can continue to grow together in order to meet bigger tests to come.

The bottom line is that we have trained for this. All our time devoted to family devotions, prayer, encouragement and family fun nights were drills for this small emergency. My kids put into practice what we have been studying and talking about as a family since they were little. They passed this test. They caught and lived what we have been trying to build into them. I was humbled by the goodness of God and blessed to share life with these three children. I know I won’t see our training working like this every week. There will be other family tests we do not pass so gracefully, but it was a true gift to see them rise to this occasion.

Parenting Tip: Have you ever talked as a family about your “team”. What is your goal as a family? What defines your team? What are your guidelines, rules and expectations? We cannot instruct or train our children without being intentional about our expectations and goals. We need to talk about them, study God’s word regarding them and pray through them. Children as young as 3 can begin to contribute and understand the team concept. Make a family team cheer, verse, banner and rule book together. Let everyone contribute. God gave you to one another for the purpose of building into each other.

Books we like: The Original 21 Rules of This House by Josh Harris

Website we like: www.accountablekids.com, www.christian-parent.com/writing-a-family-mission-statement