Crissy and Brian Bontrager: Under God’s Umbrella

Under God’s Umbrella

Recently I sat in on the Parent Equipping class for 3 year olds. My children are currently 7 and 10; I was there simply to support my friend as she led the class. The topic of the class was  How to move beyond behavior modification to Godly Discipline. As the class began I realized I had become a little neglectful in the type of discipline I give my children. I was in need of a refresher in using God’s word and being consistent with discipline.

During the class the concept of The Circle of Blessing from the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart was shared. This concept comes from   Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV):

Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother –which is the first commandment—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth.

The Circle of Blessing is the idea that while obeying and honoring one’s parents, the child remains in the circle. The circle represents a place of safety and protection. However, if one steps out of the circle of blessing and chooses to disobey, the child is no longer in the safety of the circle.

This concept is not new for me. I have attended a couple Shepherding a Child’s Heart seminars, have read the book several times, and the first Bible verse my kids memorized was Ephesians 6:1. I realized during this class that as my children have gotten older I have stepped away from using this concept.  Discipline with my older son (age 10) has started taking on a different look; however, my younger son (age 7) can be a handful and I decided to reintroduce the Circle of Blessing into our family discipline strategy.

We talked about the Circle of Blessing as a family at dinner; I explained what it meant and even drew a picture, but my 7 year old just didn’t get it. So, I used the example of an umbrella. I asked him, “Why do we use an umbrella?” He replied with an eye roll, “So we don’t get wet in the rain.”  Then I asked, “What happens if we step out from under the umbrella?” He replied with another eye roll, “We get wet.” I then explained to him that the Circle of Blessing is like the umbrella: as long as we are under the umbrella (or inside the circle) we stay protected. The umbrella protects us from the rain while the Circle of Blessing protects us from the dangers of disobeying. Finally, he got it.

We have gotten back into the practice of reminding our children of the Circle of Blessing. I will often ask them this question: “Where do you want to be standing–in the rain or under God’s umbrella?” Discipline keeps our children safe and teaches them life lessons. The Circle of Blessing and living under God’s umbrella can help us teach our children the importance of obeying.

Parenting Resources:   Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp  Wise Words for Moms, by Ginger Plowman

Parenting Tip: With the coming of spring, use Crissy’s illustration as a family object lesson. Get a little wet together to bring home the idea as choosing to be under God’s umbrella.

Money Matters for Kids : Scott Travis and Tim Eisel

The Toys R Us Big Book came to our door a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving; my children could not wait to circle everything they wanted in that catalog. We often talk to our them about likes, wants and needs. We do not allow them to say “I want that”, but encourage them to say “I like that.” We have had long conversations about the differences between needs and likes; these are just the first easy steps to intentionally discussing money issues with children.

This past Sunday, Tim Eisel and Scott Travis taught the parent equipping class for parents of 11-year-olds. They shared the Biblical perspective on money and some practical tips to help parents discuss money in their home. Did you know that 2,350 verses in the Bible talk about money? Clearly it is important to God how we talk to and teach our children about money.

It becomes a matter of simply being aware of how we talk and process thoughts about money: Is it ours or Gods? Do we have good limits and habits when spending, saving or giving money? Do we see our finances as a way to honor God and do His will on this earth?  Do we bow our needs and wants to His will for us? Are we willing to process these questions out loud in front of our children? If we do not, how will we ever expect them to believe they can trust Him with everything, including money?

Parenting Tip:

Younger children: Use the word choice to talk about money. Children are more apt to see money as a responsibility and a choice if we use those words. “We are choosing not to buy toys today, we are choosing to put our change in the red kettle for the Salvation Army because they help people; we choose not to pay for renting a movie when we have movies at home” etc. This is more helpful for them than “I’m not buying that” or “you can’t have that.”

Older children: Set up three jars labeled giving, saving and spending; kids like to see their progress in each area. Have them first put a portion away in giving and allow them to decide how to give to church and to God’s kingdom around the world. Talk about the blessings we get from giving, saving and spending according to the Bible.

Parenting Resource: Money Matters for Kids by Larry Burkett and K. Christie Bowler

Loving my Kids – The Bontrager Family

Crissy has been a friend of mine since our kids were little. God has given the Bontrager family a heart for sharing authentically what God is doing around them everyday. I have learned many things from Crissy and Brian through the years as we shared different parenting experiences within a common faith perspective. They are part of the Vista Parent Equipping Team so catch for their class based on this blog at Vista. You can read more about the Bontrager family on Crissy’s blog – A Cracked Pot:Letting God hold it together at crissybontrager.blogspot.com.

Loving My Kids

Within, the last couple of years I have watched my 2 boys develop their own individual personalities. My oldest son, who is 10, loves video games, computers, and even coming up with his own design for video games. However, my youngest son, who is 7, is all about his friends, sports, and really anything that involves a ball or running.

However, what I didn’t realize is that both of my boys feel love in different ways. I came to this realization reading the book The Five Love Languages of Children. The thought had never occurred to me that my children would need to feel love from me in different ways.  The book suggests the five love languages are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service.

I took some time to think about each of my boys and which of these love languages each of them desired the most. What I found was that my 10 year old son seeks out words of affirmation and physical touch. So, letting him know that I appreciate him helping with dishes or laundry is showing him love, or giving him a big hug when he gets home from school. However, my 7 year old responds more to quality time, and words of affirmation. He will often push away from a hug, (not that he doesn’t want one from time to time) and would rather play a game or go for a walk together. I began to change the way I interacted with both of my boys to show them each the love language that they desired.

As I began to be conscious of how I was showing love to my boys I noticed a difference in them as well. My 10 year old started helping me with housework more often, even when not asked, and my 7 year old began giving me hugs instead of pushing away. I also noticed an overall change in the behavior of both boys. Making this small effort made a big difference in the love my boys felt from me. I know my heart overflows with love for them, but now I am sure they know it too!

The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, Ph.D and Ross Campbell, M.D.