Crissy and Brian Bontrager: Under God’s Umbrella

Under God’s Umbrella

Recently I sat in on the Parent Equipping class for 3 year olds. My children are currently 7 and 10; I was there simply to support my friend as she led the class. The topic of the class was  How to move beyond behavior modification to Godly Discipline. As the class began I realized I had become a little neglectful in the type of discipline I give my children. I was in need of a refresher in using God’s word and being consistent with discipline.

During the class the concept of The Circle of Blessing from the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart was shared. This concept comes from   Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV):

Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother –which is the first commandment—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth.

The Circle of Blessing is the idea that while obeying and honoring one’s parents, the child remains in the circle. The circle represents a place of safety and protection. However, if one steps out of the circle of blessing and chooses to disobey, the child is no longer in the safety of the circle.

This concept is not new for me. I have attended a couple Shepherding a Child’s Heart seminars, have read the book several times, and the first Bible verse my kids memorized was Ephesians 6:1. I realized during this class that as my children have gotten older I have stepped away from using this concept.  Discipline with my older son (age 10) has started taking on a different look; however, my younger son (age 7) can be a handful and I decided to reintroduce the Circle of Blessing into our family discipline strategy.

We talked about the Circle of Blessing as a family at dinner; I explained what it meant and even drew a picture, but my 7 year old just didn’t get it. So, I used the example of an umbrella. I asked him, “Why do we use an umbrella?” He replied with an eye roll, “So we don’t get wet in the rain.”  Then I asked, “What happens if we step out from under the umbrella?” He replied with another eye roll, “We get wet.” I then explained to him that the Circle of Blessing is like the umbrella: as long as we are under the umbrella (or inside the circle) we stay protected. The umbrella protects us from the rain while the Circle of Blessing protects us from the dangers of disobeying. Finally, he got it.

We have gotten back into the practice of reminding our children of the Circle of Blessing. I will often ask them this question: “Where do you want to be standing–in the rain or under God’s umbrella?” Discipline keeps our children safe and teaches them life lessons. The Circle of Blessing and living under God’s umbrella can help us teach our children the importance of obeying.

Parenting Resources:   Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp  Wise Words for Moms, by Ginger Plowman

Parenting Tip: With the coming of spring, use Crissy’s illustration as a family object lesson. Get a little wet together to bring home the idea as choosing to be under God’s umbrella.

Crissy and Brian Bontrager: Love your enemies

In our daily devotions we have been reading through the book of Luke. My seven year old son Michael has been intrigued by the lessons Jesus taught and he always looks forward to finding out what the next lesson is. However, when we came to Luke 6, he had a hard time understanding why we should love our enemies.

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.  ”If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ’sinners’ lend to ’sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:27-36

We read these verses and discussed what Jesus was telling us to do; Michael could not understand why we should be nice to someone who has been mean to us. Tried as I might’ I could not explain well enough for him to understand. We ended the devotion with a prayer asking God to help us learn to love those who are mean. I felt like I had failed as a mom to teach the lesson of these verses to my son.

I continued to pray that God would reveal the meaning of these words to Michael. This morning on our way to school God did just that. Michael shared with me about a friend (we will call him Joe) in his class who has been lying (ie. My dad owns a race car, my grandma has a million dollars—the typical exaggerated lies children tell).  Michael shared that he gets angry when Joe lies to him, and that some of the other boys will not play with Joe anymore. He also shared that he felt bad that no one wanted to be Joe’s friend. I reminded Michael of the verses in Luke 6 and asked him if he thought God might be telling him to love Joe in spite of his lying.

As I watched Michael think this over I could see the understanding show on his face. Finally, he said with a big smile, “I can love him by being his friend even though I don’t like his lying!” He got it! We continued to talk about how we can pray for Joe and show Jesus’ love to him by being his friend. We said a quick prayer for Joe as we pulled up to the school, and Michael was ready to be Joe’s friend and pray for him all day long.

Even though Michael did not understand the meaning of these verses right away, I had not failed to relay the lesson. God gave Michael a greater understanding through this situation with his friend Joe and made the lesson real. I realized that the simple act of reading these verses with my children plants the lessons in their hearts even if I do not see the fruit right away; God is faithful and His word does not return void. (Isaiah 55:11)

Parenting and renewing our minds: The Pride Family

Jamiya and Amanda Pride are part of the original church plant team for Vista. They have two girls in Kids Community: Jillian and  Jada. Their hearts for prayer, authentic worship and multi-ethnic relationships continue to challenge me to daily follow the example of Jesus.

Over the last few years, my husband and I have experienced the Lord transforming us by His word. Around the 7th year of marriage, we hit an all-time low, and neither of us could see how we were going to recover from such a dark place. Through a lot of hard work, prayer and encouragement of others, we slowly started walking out of the darkness. One thing we both began to do was turn to God and take Him at His word, despite how we were feeling and thinking.

As we began to replace our fears, anxieties, frustrations, lies etc. with the word of God, we began seeing our lives and marriage transform. We watched hope, peace, comfort, confidence, power and victory rise up in our hearts; we continue to press on. As a wife and mother, I’m thankful that we have the word of God to lean on to shape our family. I truly don’t know where we would be without the hope God brings through His Spirit and written word.

Lately, we have been praying Psalm 91 as a family as we combat the fears all around us. I encourage you to place your family’s name in this Psalm and begin praying/speaking this truth over your family daily. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!

Psalm 91:

_________ who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. _______will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely He will save _____ from the snare and from pestilence. He will cover _____ with His feathers, and under His wings will _____ find refuge; His faithfulness will be _____ shield and rampart. _____ will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 1000 may fall by _____ side, 10,000 at ______ right hand, but it will not come near _______…If ____ makes the Most High their dwelling – even the Lord, who is _____ refuge then no harm will befall ______, no disaster will come near. For He will command His angels concerning ______ to guard in all ways; they will lift _____ up in their hands, so that _____ will not strike a foot against a stone…”Because ____ love me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue _____; I will protect _____ for the acknowledgment of my name. _____ will call upon me, and I will answer _____; I will be with ______ in trouble, I will deliver _____ with honor. With long life will I satisfy ______ and show _____my salvation.

Where`s the owner`s manual: The Bontrager Family

Crissy and Brian Bontrager are members of Vista Community Church. Crissy is a frequent guest blogger for Kids Community Parents with years of parenting wisdom and a passion for helping families navigate how to follow Jesus Christ together. You can read more about their family at crissybontrager.blogspot.com.

I remember being so excited as the day of my first son’s arrival came. The anticipation of having a little bundle to love and care for was almost overwhelming. However, I know now, that I was not completely prepared for all that motherhood entailed.

Within the first week of being home with my new baby, I quickly felt like I had no idea what I was doing.  During the late night feedings, a million diaper changes, and sleep deprivation I found myself wondering why the hospital neglected to give me the owner’s manual for this child. This is a question that I still find myself asking at times. (My boys are now 10 and 7.) Every time I think I have my boys figured out and I am getting this parenting thing down…we enter a new stage.

I have spent a lot of time reading parenting books in order to understand the job that I hold as a parent. I still have not found any book that offers a complete overview. However, in my search I have come to the realization that God has given me all the insight I need through His word. Although, the Bible does not tell me what to do if my little one throws a fit in the grocery store, or how many minutes a time out should be, the bible does give me Godly wisdom, encouragement, and the peace I need in those situations. I have learned to lean on this verse from James 1:5 (NIV)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,

who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I have prayed more times than I can remember (Honestly, this is a daily prayer for me) for God to give me wisdom regarding parenting. I will continue to read parenting books, and gain insight from others more experienced than myself. However, I know that I will not find the wisdom I need in any manual…I will find it in God’s word!