“They were so wealthy with so little…”

These seven little words mentioned recently in a sermon by Pastor Mike resonated with me in a powerful way. “They were so wealthy with so little.” In context he was referring to his team’s mission trip to Kenya. The Kenyan pastor’s family embraced the team and fed them like kings. The entire week the Vista team couldn’t get past the fact that this Kenyan family was sacrificing weeks of “food budget” to host them. Pastor Mike explained that he wanted to pay them somehow to make up for it. What he said next was a paradigm shift for me.

 These Africans have the gall to believe what God says is the truth. The more we give, the more we are given. As we give, God will see to our needs and meet them in abundance. Instead of storing up and gathering, these people with seemingly so little had so much. “They were so wealthy with so little”. It’s not about what we have but it’s about what we give away. Until we free ourselves up enough to see that everything we have is indeed the Lord’s, we can’t freely give.

 This is why I am so passionate about couponing and saving money, essentially being a good steward of given resources. The more we can save, the more we can give. The more we can give, the more we can bless others. The more we bless others, the more we are blessed. Who doesn’t want blessing? Whether we have a little or a lot, we are blessed when we give. May we be wealthy with so little.

 Want to learn how to be wealthy with a little more? Consider pursing one way to cut your budget; Restaurants, grocery stores, shopping or $4 coffees. Pick one and stick with it. Once you’ve mastered that one, move on to another money saving discipline. Want to learn even more? Stop by 4our2cents. We’ll show you how to save more so that you can give, bless and be blessed.

 Today may we follow the example of these Kenyans who have so little. May we give freely knowing that the God of the universe will see to our needs, just as He meets the needs of the flowers of the field and the birds of the air.

 (Matthew 6:25-34)

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

But I wasn’t designed to know all of the answers. And I’m okay with that. Because I hold firm to a promise that my good Lord made me: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5, ESV)

Phew! Does anyone else read that and feel the semi truck being lifted off of their shoulders? God gives us complete permission to ask Him for wisdom, and without even an eye roll, He gives wisdom generously.

Parenting is one of those life journeys that kicks my tail more than it builds me up. And I’ve never found comfort that in today’s culture – Christian and secular alike – we are offered a million and one resources and books about being the perfect parent.

At the end of the day, there’s only one book that delivers absolute Truth, and it’s the only one not authored by a sin-filled man. And it’s the only one that speaks to my heart in a way that keeps my blood flowing and my heart beating.

I don’t have all the answers. But thanks be to God that I know someone who does. He lives in me, and when I call on Him for wisdom – which is more often than my prideful got-it-all-together flesh would like to admit – He is there with discernment or a prompting or a nudge.

It is the absolute best piece of advice that I can give any parent – from the one who has yet to meet their unborn baby to the one whose children are now producing children.

Read your Bible. All the time.

No, it won’t tell you how many hours between feedings or whether or not to homeschool. And don’t expect to find a hidden formula for your teenage daughter’s curfew.

But I am confident that His living and breathing Word will guide you as you wander through the wilderness of your greatest and most challenging blessing – the gift of parenthood. Turn to Him for wisdom; He promises to give generously when you do.

Resources we on the Vista Parenting Team like if you are just getting started with applying the Bible to life or parenting situations:

The Bible Promise Book

Wise Words for Moms

Lately I have realized how uninspiring our time as a family has gotten. We watch or observe something together because it is easier than pressing into our family dynamic. It is easier to go to the movies than go sledding. It less complicated to watch WipeOut than play Pictionary. This is why we need timely reminders to act intentionally.

I am thankful for the Lenten season. 40 days set aside by the historical church to focus on the coming of Resurrection Sunday. It can be a time of intentional focus. It is not about giving something up, but rather giving greater attention to motivations, passions, and actions.

Parent Equipping at Vista is celebrating Lent by blogging 40 days of Wisdom. We will go through Proverbs to help us assess and address character issues and development in our families. Each week will move through scripture and family activities for every age group, toddler through high school. Intentional spiritual growth as a family is hard and counter-cultural. TV and movie producers would just as soon we would consume without connection. There is nothing wrong with a family night out at the movies, but we are hoping this Lent season we can help each other become more intentional in engaging character issues in order to follow God’s plan.

Proverbs 1: 5-7

“Let those who are wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.

And let those who understand receive guidance by exploring the depth of meaning

in these proverbs, parables, wise sayings and riddles.

Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and

discipline.”

Websites about Lent: www.crosswalk.com, www.christianitytoday.com, beliefnet

Our children have responsibilities every morning and night; these expectations have not changed, and we have trained them on how we desire to have these things done. Here is a checklist we use to stop the cycle of bad or chaotic behavior: discuss expectations, train how to do the tasks, reinforce with praise and disciple with consequences, post expectations visually for all to see.

Good news is that proactive parenting helps. Bad news is these are people in training. They will not succeed everyday. Do adults succeed in fulfilling all of their obligations everyday? Let’s face it. Sometimes we can be the most demanding bosses of our children: come when called every time, drop what you are doing to listen and obey, put the family’s needs over your own, follow all the rules with a happy heart, be joyful and respectful in correction or criticism, remember all the time what the rules are, give your best ability at all times. These are goals to aspire to but seldom possible to attain.

Systems can help families succeed in organizing the chaos of a family. They can lead to fair and impartial treatment of several different personalities living together. They are not fool-proof. Our hearts are foolish and we act like fools sometimes.  A system needs to be grounded in grace in order to train kids. We don’t reach goals everyday. Some days we can’t because of external circumstances, and others days we sabotage our own efforts. Hunger, emotion, hormones, lack of sleep and daily stress wear on our ability to measure up to the goal. To quote a pirate movie regarding processes or regulations, make them “more of what you would call guidelines than actual rules.” Processes are helpful as long as we do not lose sight of the needs of our family by becoming enslaved in them. Stopping the madness of a busy house does not have to involve abuse through guilt and shame.

Here are some organization systems that work for families of differing ages

Magnet board: Children move picture magnets from sun side to moon side. Example: picture of toothbrush gets moved to sun when it was done in the morning and back to moon when done at night. One magnet for all expectations: pick up toys, pray, make bed, etc.

Before you leave checklist: List of things to do or have before you leave room or house. We have this on the back door so I do not have to yell it through the house.

Before you leave the car checklist: This can be posted on the door or dashboard so things are not left in the car that are needed elsewhere.

Computer, Phone or I-touch Checklist: Kids can input their lists and store them on their devices. There are even apps that help with this and alarms to remind them in the data section of their devices.

Books we like: Families where Grace is in Place by Jeff VanVonderen

Websites with ideas we like: Responsibility chart ideas for kids that read, responsibility/behavior/reward chart on magnet dry erase, routine charts for preschoolers, morning routine ideas for working parents, morning routine chart video

When my grandson Conner was young, he came to stay with us for several days while his parents were on vacation. My wife told me that bedtime was going to be a little challenging because Conner did not have a schedule — he was allowed to stay up as long as he wanted and was put to bed only after he fell asleep. Obviously, that wasn’t going to work for us.

On the first evening when 8:30 pm rolled around, we got Amanda (our youngest daughter) and Conner ready for bed — pajamas on and teeth brushed. Then I read them a story. “Okay, lights out, sleep well, see you in the morning,” I said as I kissed each one good night. Conner said: “But Grandpa I’m not ready to go to sleep.” I said: “Remember what I told you? The rules at Grandma and Grandpa’s house are a little different than Mommy and Daddy’s. At our house kids go to bed at 8:30. See you in the morning.” Conner obediently nodded: “Okay Grandpa.”

By the time my son and daughter-in-law picked up Conner after their trip, they were shocked to see he was not only going to bed at 8:30, but also eating what we ate at mealtime. My son asked: “How did you get him to do it?” My answer: “I just told him what the rules were — we all eat what Grandma makes (this isn’t a restaurant), and bedtime is at 8:30. It wasn’t very difficult because he’s a really great kid. You guys have done a wonderful job with him — just make sure he knows his boundaries and parenting will be a lot more enjoyable.”

Let me ask you this question in the context of our passage today: Did Conner know he was breaking a rule at his own house if he didn’t go to bed at 8:30, or  if he ate only peanut butter sandwiches (no jelly)? Of course not; where there is no law, there can be no trespass. Conner didn’t know there were rules, so he couldn’t be held accountable for breaking any. He thought bedtime was when he felt tired and he should eat only what tasted good.

In our passage today, Paul explains this same concept applied to man before the Law was given:  ”…sin is not taken into account when there is no law.” In other words, you can’t be punished for breaking a rule that doesn’t exist.

Parenting Tip: Play a game that is familiar to your child but drop all the rules. The player can do whatever he or she wants, whenever they want and for whatever reason. Discuss how the lack of rules equals chaos and that the rules are designed to make the game more fun for everyone. It is the same when playing the game of life. God designed us, knows what is best for us, and gives us a rulebook – the Bible. It is in our best interest to obey and live by His plan. (Durbin Parenting with Scripture p. 155)

I recently gave birth to my second child, a daughter, and when I arrived home from the hospital, my son was sick with croup. Within a week, both my husband and I started experiencing cold symptoms, and within two weeks, my newborn daughter was congested. It wasn’t long before all four of us were miserably sick.

One night, as I wearily nursed my baby girl, I became overwhelmed with emotion, and the tears poured out. “Why, Lord, why? Why can’t we catch a break? I’m too sick and sore to meet my family’s needs (I was also recovering from a c-section), and my husband can hardly function as he suffers the flu. And my babies are miserably sick. Why us, Lord?”

I was exhausted, discouraged, and frustrated. But God was quick to respond. And, no, He didn’t say, “Okay, Ali, you survived my test and everything will be better in the morning.” Rather, He said, “Do everything without complaining.” (Philippians 2:14)

God commands us to refrain from complaining, and amidst my sniffles, tears, and sore abdomen, I knew He wanted me to change my perspective.

But He didn’t stop there; He wanted even more from me. As you might imagine, my first thought was, “Seriously, God? It’s not enough for me to shut my mouth and refrain from complaining?”

“No,” He said, “Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances.” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

WHAT? Be joyful?! I’m miserable. And my son has a fever of 101 degrees. My daughter fights nursing because she can hardly breathe. Sure, I’ll pray, but what do I have to be thankful for?

And then it hit me. I have a FAMILY. I have a son and a daughter who are alive and well. I have a husband who is not deployed, deceased, or uninvolved. I have the strength to nurse my daughter, and I have the ability to care for my family even if I don’t “feel” like it. I have so much for which to thank God. I have plenty that brings me joy. And it is with that perspective that I was able to glorify God even when my tendency was to be discouraged and frustrated.

It is this perspective that God wants us to adopt in ALL things. As parents, this can be difficult, to say the least. We are quick to complain about our unruly toddler. We often forget to express joy when our teenager disappoints us. We fail to give thanks when our baby is up for the fifth time in one night.

Often when people ask me, “how are you doing?” I quickly respond, “I can’t complain.” Because, really, I can’t. But too often, I do. Sometimes I am quick with this response simply to remind myself that I C-A-N-N-O-T complain. Yes, we should have emotions – frustration, sadness, anger – but ultimately, we need to honor God amidst our sufferings.

Things did not automatically improve after that long night. In fact, we are still on the mend. But because of God’s Word, I am more likely to embrace my sniffling daughter rather than complain. I am more likely to cuddle with my snot-nosed toddler rather than be discouraged. And I am more likely to show my family God’s greatest commandment to all of us: Love.

You can read more about the Hooper family at Ali’s Blog: www.blessedtreehouse.com

Speaking truth into a child’s life has lasting consequence. We acknowledge who God uniquely created them to be by affirming their gifts and talents; this affrimation helps them start to process the specialzed role that God has chosen them for. We believe that this is what God means by “the way a child will go” in Proverbs 22:6. Most schools have adopted this process in behavior modification practices. They say 3 affirmations about a child before attempting consructive criticism. How I wish I could remember to do that every day for my family!

We use 1 Thessalonias 5: 11 “encourage one another and build eachother up” to keep our thoughts on affirmation not critisism. Affrimation brings motivation. By focusing on the strengths of others, we push them closer to the person God has created them to be. This is true of tieing shoes, making the grade, finishing the project or  making wise choices. Much is to be gained by celebrating the unique giftings of the individuals in our midst.

Great book about questions kids ask about God: Does God Know How to Tie Shoes? by Nancy White Carlstrom

Resources we like: Words Kids Need to Hear by David Staal

Mark Holmen writes about this community encouragement in his book Take it Home.  Vista seeks to follow a pattern that “helps parents transform the spiritual formation of their children from the one-hour drop-off each Sunday to a daily walk with Jesus” (Holmen p. 23).  By meeting together for parent equipping classes, blogging real life struggles and solutions, and praying together we will follow God’s plan for the home as exemplified in Deuteronomy 6: 4-9

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Ultimately our comfort through the rigors of family life comes from the power of Jesus Christ to renew, restore and refresh every area of life. Our children belong to Him first and He loves them more than we can ever imagine. We can encourage one another because we are encouraged by the promise of John 1:12 “But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” The power for any task comes from Him who loves us and calls us to complete the plans we were created for on this earth.  He knows our families and encourages us to help each other prepare for everything we will encounter on the journey.